Retail: The Utopia And The Dystopia

Our business here is to be Utopian, to make vivid and credible, if we can, first this facet and then that, of an imaginary whole and happy world.

H.G WELLS, A Modern Utopia

 

Why am I not smiling? “Good morning!” boss lady yells at me at 8.50am. “Is it?” I reply still asleep and still unhappy that I am returning to this tin hut of a building again. “Someone’s grumpy this morning” boss lady replied with her eyes wide and teeth jutting out from her fat, over made up face.

No. I am not grumpy. Well yes. But also no. I am acting like a normal person would at the start of their shift at 8.50am. Unlike you, I do not get excited about working in this place. I am not a moron. I don’t get my kicks from serving customers and kissing the ass of the corporation we bow down to. I prefer culture. Arts. Seeing friends. Relaxing. That’s what makes me smile.

I fake a smile for the customers because that’s what they (the company) want me to do. They want us to portray happiness. Become glee. Personify joy. Sell the company with a smile and make those consumers come back through our doors in to retail paradise. Inside me something very different is going on.

While I am busy smiling, running through my head is the following thought, if this store sold guns I wouldn't be alive right now.

“SMILE” the manager’s tell me to do. Fuck you! You do not control my face. What the hell are you talking about telling me to smile? And if I don’t what happens? What happened today is what happens. I get called in to the manager’s office for “a little chat. Nothing serious. Just a chat”.

“You don’t seem yourself today”. Really? That’s because I hate my life, I hate smiling, I hate this job, I hate this company, I hate the faceless suits who want me to smile and I hate you. My voice is jolly. When the customers come to me I give them exactly what they want. Smiling at the beginning and end of my duration with them. Are you saying I should maintain a constant expression of ecstasy throughout serving?

Remember kids, it takes 47 muscles to frown. Just 17 to smile. Yet it kills my soul to force a smile for someone who will only waste my time. That’s you. The customer.

Have A Nice Day
Remember to keep hold of your receipt, that's your guarantee!
DE

Introduction out the way.  Welcome to the world of a retail employee.  Please do not be shocked.  I will swear.  I will get angry.  But I promise you will be entertained.  Maybe. 

A Message To Retail Store Managers And Supervisors Everywhere
Coming Soon!

Also stay tuned for:
5 Ways To Make A Customer Cry Without Being Arrested

Have A Nice Day
DE

An Introduction

All I will say about myself is that I am male. I am in my 20s. I am not a terrorist. I work part time in retail. I did have a second job however I had to jack that in due to what I like to call the mosquito of the mental illness world aka panic attacks brought on by irrational fear. I am unhappy. And I am pissed off with being pissed on.

Why read this? Who knows. I could become the voice of the voiceless. The messiah of the lost generation. The words that send shivers through the western world just like an Earthquake shaking a city to it‘s foundations. Or this could be read by no one but me re reading it for spelling mistakes and bad grammar. In this word filled world I completely expect this to go unread and for my time to be wasted, but then I have nothing better to do while waiting for my dull shifts to start at the job I hate. I could look for other jobs but there are none. None that I can do anyway.

I guess some of you will read this and complain that I am complaining about spilt milk. But let me guess… you have a full time job don’t you? You’re happy in your little life of pleasure. That’s the difference between you and me. I am not saying your voice is wrong. I am not saying my voice is wrong. What would be wrong would be if we both ignored each other’s voices and deemed them nothing but silliness.

So here we go. Or I go. That was my introduction. This is my Blog. My life as a part timing disgruntled employee.

Have A Nice Day
DE